RELATIONSHIP THERAPY
Get out of your escalating conflict cycle without giving in or giving up
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Infidelity
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Trust
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Accountability
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Sex Life
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Intimacy
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Non-monogamy
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Responsibilities
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Parenting
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Money
Having that same fights again and again is beyond disheartening.
It's maddening, excruciating, and utterly perplexing.
"Why can't we just figure this out and move on?!"
You're trying to communicate well — you've even read the books, blogs, and posts by Insta-therapists on how to have more effective communication.
And yet it never seems to work.
Once either one of you are triggered, all the skills and tools go flying out the window and you're back to giving in, blowing up, shutting down, or getting out.
Communication skills are not enough
I used to think they were. I taught lots of workshops and classes on Nonviolent Communication, thinking that if folks had the skills then they'd be able to transform their relationships.
I learned that it's not that simple. If it were, you would have already accomplished it.
Before you can use relational skills, you must have relational mindfulness.
"No problem can be solved from the same level of consciousness that created it."
- Albert Einstein
Just like there's an order of operations to build a house, there's a sequence of development to transform yourself and your relationship.
You can't start painting if you don't yet have a sturdy wall, and you can't have a sturdy wall if you don't yet have a solid foundation.
Same with relationships.
We can't communicate with vulnerability, empathy, and accountability if we are flooded with an overwhelming sense of threat that triggers self-protection, and we can't bring our selves back into connection until we establish a sense of safety within ourselves and the relationship.
This is why I journey with my clients through three phases, established by Relational Life Therapy and rooted in relational neuroscience.
01.
Wake Up
First we got to get a clear picture of what is actually happening. The story you are each telling yourselves about why your conflicts keep cycling unresolved may or may not be accurate or complete.
Through compassionate confrontation, I help identify the behaviors and feedback loops that are sabotaging your connection. Unlike conventional therapists, I believe it is my responsibility to say what I see, even if it's hard to hear.
02.
Grow Up
We all learn our relational stances and coping strategies when we're children. While they were adaptive then and kept us protected in our family of origin, they are maladaptive now and perpetuate the very conditions they seek to avoid in our adult relationships.
Through experiential, guided inner child work, I help you access your wise adult self even when you're triggered into self-protection so that you have access to better relational strategies.
03.
Skill Up
Once each of you have established a neuropathway between your reactive young self and your responsive adult self, you're ready to learn a whole new way of relating to one another that can actually transform your relationship.
Through step-by-step teaching and coaching, I help you practice and integrate relational communication skills to navigate conflict with love and develop nourishing closeness.
Relational Life Therapy's Three Phase Model
“The romantic vision promises 'shadowless' relationships, but it is precisely by wrestling with the relationship's shadow, with disillusionment, that deep intimacy is sustained.”
- Terry Real, creator of Relational Life Therapy
TESTIMONIALS
Teri is our perfect fit for couple’s therapy! We never thought we would want or need to explore couples therapy, but it turned out to be necessary to our success as a couple. After searching and being skeptical, nervous and honestly scared about the entire process we are truly blessed that Terri was referred to us.
Teri is just amazing! She is very down to earth and easy to talk to. She has a way of bringing the issues to light in a very sensitive, calm and human approach and that really makes it easy to be vulnerable and honest with each other and ourselves.
She has provided us with tools to use to work towards a healthy relationship and has shown us how we can help one another provide a safe place to share our thoughts, wants, needs and feelings.
If any of my friends or family were seeking guidance or help in their lives or relationships, I would absolutely recommend Teri, because I know they would be in good hands with her.
— T & Y
Working with Teri as a couple has helped us find our way back to each other, when kids, work stress and life had caused us to get stuck in hurtful patterns.
We came in knowing that we loved each other deeply but had difficulty truly listening to one another, supporting, collaborating and being able to have those difficult conversations without the other person getting hurt or defensive.
Right away Teri made a safe environment and space where we could both be heard. She guided us towards practices and rituals that brought support into our everyday relationship, and held space for some of the harder conversations we needed to work through. We instantly felt closer as we started on this path together and now after working with Teri for over 6 months we have grown so much.
We have rooted down in our relationship, we feel our love for one another with clarity and intensity, our trust in each other has deepened and we recently re-proposed to one another and are planning a vow renewal to celebrate our love!
— Michelle & Jonathan